482 Days
482 Days
This page is dedicated to the old 482 Days fanzine and is intended to take a quirky look at hockey (mainly from an Oxford viewpoint). It contains articles of various degrees of seriousness, jokes and stuff that doesn't fit anywhere else.
Colin Kirby was the original 482 Days writer/editor and we await further articles from him displaying the full range of his wit.
Page contents
Rinks you have loved by Colin Kirby
No 1 - Bournemouth
Not far off the seafront and upstairs - yes, upstairs - this was a former cinema converted to an ice rink. First impressions on entering were the all pervading clammy dampness, the lake like state of the ice pad and the converted tractor that acted as a zamboni.
It was very run down with rotting woodwork and the Bournemouth Stags colour scheme of orange (baby s*** yellow according to Taggart) and brown didn't help. For all that the balcony bar was quite nice and fairly large.
This was the scene of many a fun day out, Liam Bolam and Robbie Morris both had run ins on the ice with Pete "old man" Murray. Robbie tried smashing up their dressing room and did £500 worth of improvements.
Our second season ended there with a fancy dress theme and Nigel (as the Incredible Hulk) and Colin (as a furry brown bear) went out on the ice in one of the breaks to have a go at a beat the goalie shoot out. Both had been on the beach, and the beer, in the afternoon and left a trail of sandy footprints over the newly resurfaced ice.
No 2 - Sheffield Mecca
When Stars started out the leisure chain Mecca owned a few ice rinks that they had obviously forgotton about judging by the poor state of repair.
Sheffield was typical - small, cramped and with no real seating areas. The off ice officials were at a table inside the netting at the rinks edge and the only seating outside was the skaters wooden seats. The bar was small and poor and had a pool table but seldom any cues. The Sin Bin Crew managed to nick a broken hockey stick off a player and enjoy a game as the Stars played on.
Mecca invented their own game called Iceball, which was a cross between Ice Hockey, Basketball and American Football and was totally crap. Every Mecca rink had a square box suspended above the goal with a round hole in it for Iceball and it seemed to attract some real moron fans - Sheffield had more than most. We enjoyed lots of jolly banter with them.
No 3 - Blackpool
You tell youngsters of today what rinks were like and they just don't believe you. This one, The Ice Drome, was tucked down a back street, dingy and run down. There was a lot of old wet wooden seating as they have big ice pantos each Christmas.
Every season they used to have no home ice for about 3 months due to the christmas show and practices, and then when they had hockey they would get holes in the ice.
One end of the rink is rounded but the other square running into a stage. The first time Stars went there it was panto time and the seven dwarfs' house was set up on stage so at the end of one period the players traipsed through it to get to the dressing room.
Facilities were basic to put it mildly, and on our first visit the players chose to march half dressed through the streets back to our bed and breakfast for a shower rather than risk the rink ones.
No 4 - Irvine Magnum Leisure Centre
On the remote Scottish coast lies Irvine and the leisure centre is just about all there is in this wind blown area.
The rink itself was deep inside next to the swimming pool just behind one goal. It is a bit distracting trying to watch a game when loads of snotty little Jocks are hammering on the glass partition between the pool and the rink making obscene gestures. The only real seating was upstairs overlooking only part of the ice surface so we settled for perching anywhere we could at the pool end.
At least the game was a good win and Jari Virta conducted the Stars fans singing from the penalty box where he seemed to spend some considerable time. The bar was a bit of a hike from the ice pad and not overly friendly even if they did put on a bit of food.
Like most of the Scottish rinks it was geared up more for Curling and had no atmosphere for ice hockey games, thankfully the Irvine Magnum Wings just had one season of the national league before opting to drop back into obscurity.
No 5 - Altrincham
Home to the Altrincham Aces and the Trafford Metros at various stages. Altrincham was one of the older rinks we visited. Ridged rubber matting covered all of the ground floor spectator area and this in turn was always covered by puddles of water. One end of the rink had a balcony and I remember the "Sin Bin Crew" and the rest of the traveling Oxford contingent "taking over" the balcony. This was a night that Oxford fans were to party, disco dancing during the intervals and consuming a beer or ten. I have no idea what the score was and frankly didn't care! The bar was situated at the opposite end of the rink to the balcony and could best be described as slightly larger than a cubicle in the toilet.
Altrincham had a habit of bringing in off ice guests when Oxford were in town, one time it was cheerleaders in an effort to make more noise than the Oxford fans. They were on a looser with that one! Another time saw Andrei Kanchelskis and Neil Webb who were both at Man Utd at the time. To choruses of "you'll never play for United" and "City". One of my fellow supporters recollects a certain pop star also being there. All I will say is "Take That"
For all its faults, Altrincham was a nice place to go and I am sad to see its demise (demolition due to start on 31 March 2003), another one of the older rinks not comparing to the "superleague" of rinks. After all it was the only team in the league to have its own bus for away games which was driven by one of the players (Bernie Snagg ?)
N0 6 - Blackburn
Whilst in the North West we must mention BLACKBURN, cold enough to freeze the ***** off a brass monkey. Oxford played in the opening match at the rink and as in many other places, the fans had to explain the rules to the locals. Stunning bar behind one goal with an over the ice balcony, what a temptation! The carpet on the bar floor had the Blackhawks logo on it. The far end was just a blank wall, like Romford, Medway and the Kassam. Flip down seats down both sides, unfortunately the rink builders had not taken account of the weight of many British Ice Hockey fans and seats had a tendency to split. Blackburn was a very welcoming place and group of fans. Many a long Sunday afternoon was spent consuming a few pints of Thwaites in preparation for the game some 4 or 5 hours later.
No 7 - Telford
We continue our trip by visiting TELFORD, home of the Tigers and later Wolves, Royals and Tornadoes (and now the Wild Foxes). When Telford was in its infancy it took many players from the successful Solihull Barons. The team coach was Chuck Taylor, Chairman of the club was Dave Ismay, a comedian who once appeared on "New Faces". Vice President was Gary Newbon, the man from the telly. One early visit saw Oxford travel to Telford with only one import and loose by the odd goal in 15. Then there was the time when Chuck Taylors sponsored car had some very funny fuel in the tank. On one of our other visits it was noticed that when the goals were taken to the centre ice for the cut at the interval, they were swapped over for each period, meaning that Telford always defended the same physical goal. Why? Well when the tape measure was used it was slightly smaller. Then there was the time when it took nearly 6 hours to get there from Oxford. (Note for Colin with his renowned map reading skills - it was about 2 hours away then, 1.5 now (M40)
The rink itself had seating on one side, when will these rinks learn that you need two sides of seating for opposing fans to create an atmosphere. Been to Swindon lately? Point proven. One great thing at Telford was the bar, spacious and overlooked the ice, so when things were not going so well, it was easy to justify "adjourning" for a pint.
No 8 - BIRMINGHAM
A trip to Birmingham's Ice Rink was good for one thing, a visit to the Aussie Bar just down the road. Seriously though Birmingham will always stick in the memory for its interval entertainment and the crowd involvement. One time we played there the interval entertainment was speed skating, a bit different from the usual "figures" but didn't it go on. The intervals from the hockey were longer than the periods of hockey. (Did that make the hockey the interval entertainment and the speed skating the main event?) Still we can say we saw Wilf O`Reilly race. Wilf later went on to take part in the Olympics. Who said this website wasn't educational as well as entertaining? Still plenty of time to have a few more beers. It actually went on so long that by the time the game finished the bar was shut, much to the annoyance of the players.
On one trip to the "second city" one of the "Brum" supporters became embroiled with the Stars import Todd Morgan through the netting above the boards. The moral of this is if you are a supporter never pick a fight with a six foot plus import defenceman who is fully kitted out.
No 9 - SOLIHULL
On to the posh bit of Birmingham (no, not Sutton Coldfield). Many trips have been made to Hobs Moat Road as Stars played the Barons and the Knights in league games, Fosters Midland League and Challenge matches. The rink was again "old style" boards with netting. One end of the rink had a balcony. I think you had to be a season ticket holder, or dead to get up there. As with many of the older rinks the team benches were not segregated from the crowd and it was imperative that the away fans occupied the seats around the team bench. Bit of a problem this for Oxford as the bar was on the opposite side of the rink. The bar had a silly name, that despite hours of research, I still cannot remember.
The Pub over the road was frequented after the game and would see the Stars take to the stage to perform. There was also the time when we needed to stop in the layby coming back from Solihull, I am just glad I wasn't one of "the couple" in the car that was already parked there. Foodstop on the way back was in Banbury, at McDonalds, were we would frequently arrive, just as they were closing, with the comment "You thought you were going home" as 50 people piled through the door.
No 10 - BRISTOL
A nice easy trip down the M4, which always meant getting there in plenty of time to sample the local pubs. The team was originally known as the Phantoms and then subsequently the Bulldogs. The rink was right in the centre of Bristol and from the early 1990s became a part of the John Nike empire and was run by Jamie Craiper. The best place to watch from was behind the goal as there was an area where you could stand and there was a nice brick wall behind you on which you could place your flags. (if anyone in Bristol still has the Union Flag with "Oxford" on it or the Canadian flag with "Stars" on it our best wishes for being so sad in keeping them after all of this time and we strongly recommend "You get out more")
In the days before "all day opening" the rink being in the city centre made for adequate refuelling for supporters. This was except for the time when we struggled to find an open bar, finally we managed this, went in and bought a drink, but we didn't hang around long after a visit to the gents in which there were more mirrors than on a newspaper stand. We left abruptedly, after finishing our drinks of course. The pub was called "The Queens Shilling" A food stop of pizza late in the afternoon meant we were late for the face off but we had acquired some nice balloons in our travels.
[top]
------------------------------------------------------------
PLACE YOUR BETS
The Superleague lasting the season - 10-1
Isle of Wights "Ice cube" growing - 20-1
Swindon finishing higher than 4th - 20-1
Englands Under 20 team winning a league game - 50-1
Oxford City Stars getting a "bankrolling" sponsor - 500-1
Oxford City Stars winning the Superleague - 1000-1
Sheffield Steelers fans understanding the game - 5000-1
Martians landing in London - 10,000-1
Bracknell Bees winning a popularity contest - Can't write that many noughts.
[top]
------------------------------------------------------------
Original articles from 482 Days fanzine (early 1990s)
THE HIPPIE STRIKES BACK!
Cast of characters (the names have been left the same to protect the innocent). We had a pretty strange squad this season.
Andy (Wilson): Chubby, fun loving bench coach and brother of defenseman Dave. Significant other of Emma Bowles.
(Don) Jamieson: Player coach from Alaska, now does marketing for a team in Spokane or somewhere.
Dan Prachar: Yes, he is that old
(Paul) Donohoe: So is he.
Kieron (Downey): A long haired visitor from Planet Canadian Industrial League.
(Peter) Clark(ie): Forward from Solihull who skated around a lot for several seasons at Oxford.
Barry (Evans): Ex of Deeside and Telford, a man of unconfirmed sexual preferences.
It's the second period of the game against the Bracknell Bees. The Stars have taken early control of the game and are eagerly awaiting for a summons by their revered bench coach Andy Wilson to take to the ice.
Andy : Jamieson, Prachar, Donohoe get ready!
(SILENCE)
Andy: JAMIESON, PRACHAR, DONOHOE! GET READY!
J,P,D: Huh, yah, okay coach, Zzzzzzzzz
Andy: Come on guys, wake up.
Dan: Sure, okay Andy, how many goals should I get now?
Andy: Only 2 a shift, but see if you can get Donny a goal, I hate to see a grown man cry like that.
Kieron: Mr.Wilson! Oh Mr.Coach, could I ask you a question?
Andy: Sure, but I thought you went before the game!
Kieron: Hey that's funny. Good one coach! Could you tell me which way we are going?
Clarkie:Just follow me Kieron, I'll show you to their net.
Dan: That's a laugh!
Clarkie: Sure it's easy for you to say, you're a star, a super goal scorer, you've had years of hockey in the U.S.A. but I've had to learn my hockey in BIRMINGHAM!
Barry: Where's the U.S.A.?
Andy: Cut that out you guys, leave it for the ice.
Kieron: Where's the ice?
Andy (face in hands): What did I do to deserve this! Listen Keiron, I want you to hit the big guy this shift.
Kieron: Hit, you mean like bodycheck him?
Andy: I don't mean shake hands! (whistle stops the play) Alright! Lets go you three, change the defence too.
CHORUS OF SUPPORTERS: What Defence?
Play starts and it's another thrilling two minutes of Stars hockey. Those daredevils will stop at nothing to impress their fans. But so far Kieron has not carried out the coaches orders. The big guy still stands - but wait - there goes Kieron streaking down the wing, his head down (obviously trying to fool the big guy into thinking he's not seen him).
The gap closes and...WHAM!
Supporters: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
Andy: What a hit.
Referee : Should I give a penalty or not, hmm, lets look at the rule book, oops, Can't do that, I can't read! Lets see, anybody looking? No,okay, hey you! Off - 2 minutes for a good check!
Derrick: Should we go get him coach?
Andy: No, No, he's alright, look he's even skating around.
Darryl: NO! Not him, Kieron! He's still on the ice.
Andy: 0h ya, wait, he's up! He's down! He's crawling towards us. (Kieron eventually finds his way to the bench, unable to sit up, he lies down staring into space).
All: Kieron, Kieron! Talk to us
Mandy: Wake up Kieron, wake up.
Kieron: What? Where? Who? Oh, Mandy.
Mandy: Hurry up Kieron, the game starts in an hour, remember you're playing Bracknell today.
Kieron: Right, listen, I got to tell you,I had this dream, no, it was more like a nightmare.....
[top]
------------------------------------------------------------
TWIN STICKS
Picture the scene hockey fans, the Stars are playing the Blackburn Crows .....
Agent Cooper has arrived in the sleepy University town of Oxford to sell his famous hockey equipment. While at the Rink he decides to investigate the strange happenings that occur within the mysterious Oxpens Triangle.
Cooper meets many peculiar characters while investigating the hitherto unsolved case of missing players and the latest seemingly unfathomable case, "The Third Period Fight Back Phenomenon". The first person of note he comes across is "The Man with the Orange Tickets", Cooper tries to avoid him, but it's impossible. After buying some of the curious orange tickets he continues on his quest.
Cooper progresses further into the lively crowd on one side of the building, there's a loud chanting noise emanating from the opposite end of the crowd. The chant is familiar, he has heard it before, but where? Cooper ponders over it for a brief moment, then promptly remembers the dream. A group of Tibetan Monks are using the same chant, they are chanting for the return of the Dalai Lama. Cooper searches for the source of this loud chanting, he finds that one man is making all this noise. Cooper has discovered."The Man with the Drum and the Carrier Bag". Cooper thinks to himself, "What is in that carrier bag?"
Cooper looks down onto the ice. He sees a fortune-telling net-minder, it's Gypsy Rose Matassa (The Man, The Legend, The 90% Save Average). Tass has an aura surrounding him, surely he possesses magical powers. He turns to Cooper and Cooper hears a message in his head.
"BEWARE THE FLAT, ROUND COWS! THEY TASTE LIKE SHOE SOLES!"
A streak of red light catches Cooper's eye, Oxford have scored. A small, stocky figure skates down the ice, spinning and throwing his arms in the air. This, Cooper decides, must be "The Dancing American", he is surrounded by "The Cool Alaskan", "The Womble who plays like a .... er.... Womble" and "The Man with Two Arms".
Agent Cooper is witnessing "The Third Period~Fight Back Phenomenon". Cooper closes his eyes, he is drifting above a volcano. He floats down onto the rim of the volcano. He peers down at the boiling lava and calls upon the inner energy of the human spirit. He searches hard for the answer. He has nearly figured the answer to it all. Suddenly a man appears next to Cooper, he is holding a drum and a carrier bag. Cooper recognises him, he is "The Man with the Drum and the Carrier Bag". Coopers starts to announce his totally amazing deduction,
"The Oxpens Triangle is very complicated and unusual case, but it's easily explained. You see it is simply a case of ..." He stops abruptly turning to his new companion. "Hold on, I know you, don't I. You're the Dalai Lama?". "Yes my secret is out". He reaches down into his carrier bag and pulls out a large bundle of paper. "Do you want a copy of my fanzine '482 Days'. Go on you won't regret it!" Cooper forgets all about his deduction whilst reading his new copy of '482 Days'. He turns to the Dalai Lama and says "You know what this is a DARN FINE FANZINE."
[top]
An article from the 1980s
KEN TAGGART TO OPEN NEW ICE STADIUM
KEN TAGGART, Oxford City Stars supremo and EIHA chairman has announced that he is to build an ice stadium on a disused part of the American air base at Upper Heyford, in cooperation with millionaire publisher Robert Maxwell.
"The ice stadium, to be known as Upper Heyford Ice Arena, will be by far the largest in this country with a 20,000 all-seat capacity," said Taggart while lighting up a 3-foot cigar.
"Plans have already been drawn up and construction will start shortly with completion expected for early 1988 ready for the ice hockey team, the Upper Heyford "Daily Mirror" Bombers to enter league competition in the 1988-89 season."
As regards the future of Oxford City Stars Taggart said: "They may not compete after the formation of the Bombers as I intend buying up the Oxpens Road rink to use as a training facility for the new team."
The first game at the new stadium has been pencilled in as an NHL All Stars team versus the USSR Olympic team and will probably take place on the first day of April next year. Said Taggart: "It'll be the first time such a game has been played in this country and will easily fill the stadium to capacity."
Already signed for the Bombers is Canadian sensation Guy Lemieux while Taggart is to enter into negotiations with Derrick Payne on how to "sign Gretzky for a 100 quid a week because he doesnt need the money."
Regarding other facilities at the Stadium Taggart said: "There will be a large bar at the rink which is at present being planned by members of the infamous "Sin Bin Crew."
On being questioned about the bar development a Sin Bin Crew spokesman, Nigel Laverick, said: "Mine's a pint" and fell flat on his face, while fellow spokesman Colin Kirby, when finally woken from a deep state of unconsciousness could only wave his arms about as though banging a drum and shouting: "Oxford."
Full details of the Ice Arena will be released at a press conference at the Oxford Ice Rink this Wednesday, April 1st 1987.
[top]
It's a dangerous game we play
It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly a shot rang out. A missile whistled across the arena and neatly parted his hair. He thought to himself "Why have I come into the rink for shelter when the Stars are on shooting practise?" He moved to a place of safety near the goal.
A man in a black dress approached. "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for an under 14 to pass to a team-mate" he stated. He then moved on towards the coaches room. A man and woman followed him with determined and angry looks on their faces.
The man stood by the side of the rink watching the waves gently lap against the kicker boards by the cafeteria. "So Norman's on duty tonight" he thought, " I must be careful or he will show me his puck collection". The rink had always left an indelible mark on him, normally at the bottom of his trouser leg.
He walked into the cafeteria, avoiding the tumbleweed rolling across from skate hire, and put some coins into a slot. He pressed a button and waited to see what colour of water poured into the plastic receptacle. Nothing happened. He considered explaining again that 80% maximum payouts do not apply to drinks machines. A large woman walked in and shouted at the man before joining a group of people at a table.
The official with the pointing finger rose from his seat on the team benches and closed his book. As the official with the pointing finger moved towards the cafeteria the man felt a deep sense of foreboding. The man decided to leave. He opted to make for the moral high ground. He climbed the stairs and approached the area previously allocated for drug sales. The bar was shut as normal, but he sought safety in the company of the man who had been watching hockey for fifty years and the Oxford fan to whom it just seemed that long.
The feeling of relief was palpable but short-lived. In from the storm came the man in the designer sweater and there was nowhere to hide.
"Are you coming to the meeting tonight?" the man in the designer sweater said. The man felt the onset of a panic attack. He wished he had stayed outside in the pouring rain standing on a large heap of metal whilst trying to read the minutes of the last EIHA meeting by the illumination of the streaks of lightning hurtling from the skies.
The man tried to edge towards the exit but it was no good. In through the door came the biscuit man, the man from the Russian steppes, and Macbeth's three witches. The man was forced to move towards the chamber of doom.
The man tried to convince himself that it would be a noble thing to do, to attend the meeting, but he knew he would soon be losing the will to live. He had always been told that "the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing" but he normally favoured the the thoughts of Ford Prefect "people like you and me...are just dilettanti, eccentrics, layabouts .... we're not obsessed by anything and that's the deciding factor. We can't win against obsession. They care, we don't, they win." It's just a pity what they care about.
The committee was a group of people who kept minutes and wasted hours. The man had thought he had escaped their clutches some months before, but one silly mistake and he was trapped. He started to feel that his life was disappearing faster than a bag of cash falling off an armoured car in front of a homeless shelter for Olympic sprinters.
Three hours later the man was a haggard shell of his previous self. He tried to recall the passed evening, seeking any shafts of constructive thought or positive action. When he realised what he was doing he started to laugh manically.
To be continued
Thames Valley police were inundated today when up to three thousand Bracknell Bees fans turned themselves in for invading the ice during Sunday's derby clash with London Knights. This occurred shortly after the Bracknell management announced that any fan who had invaded the ice during their home defeat against London will be banned for life.
Within hours of the announcement, large queues began to form at police stations in Bracknell, Ascot, Reading and Wokingham. Reports suggested that telephone switchboards were being jammed, as fans who were not even in the country phoned in their confessions to astounded police officers.
Major incidents were reported when riots broke out as several desperate fans rushed the front of the queues. Internal police inquiries were quickly launched as accusations flew that officers had been bribed by desperate fans to try and get their names on the lists.
Precious Fire Service resources were diverted to many police stations as desperate fans chained themselves to railings and needed to be cut free. Chaos ensued as up to fifteen fans chained themselves to a police officer's bicycle after he had stopped to tell someone the time. Several passers-by witnessed the shocking sight of grown men weeping and begging as they desperately pleaded to be put on the list.
The police have called for public calm and assured the fans that all cases will be carefully investigated and the bans will be issued entirely on merit, with no preferential treatment for anyone.
Chief Inspector Gussett of the Bracknell constabulary, in a short public announcement said, ' I can assure the public that this will not be handled on a first come first served basis and there is no need for panic'.
The latest reports suggest that calm has at last been restored and refreshments are being handed out by compassionate Salvation Army volunteers to the many fans who are so determined to keep their place in the queues they are willing to camp out overnight.
One fan was quoted as saying: 'This is a once in a lifetime chance and I'm determined not to miss out!'.Bracknell Riots
[top]
Players You Have Known by Colin Kirby
All of the Stars former players have been covered in the trivia section in brief but some are worthy of closer examination.
No 1 - Carl Warnock
When George Best had his recent liver transplant he was offered Carls liver but declined it pretty damn quick. A product of the Cleveland club Carl was by no means a Gretzky but a useful honest defenceman. Never mind Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, Carl and Libby were definately the liveliest couple on the hockey circuit. Sometimes Carl would turn up for a game looking like he had been clawed by Edward Scissorhands.
A quiet social drinker, Carl enjoyed a drop of beer and was a friend to many a landlord. Perhaps Carls most memorable on ice moment was a Zorro style stick fight at Chelmsford, greatly encouraged by Ken Taggart shouting from the bench "drop your stick". Off ice he is best remembered for sleeping through a near riot in a Scottish hotel which included having his door kicked down and replaced.
No 2 - Garry Unger
The greatest player never to play for Oxford. Garry turned up at a press conference in the Oxford rink bar and posed on the ice with a figure skater for the press. Alas that was as long as his association lasted as he was lured away by a coaching job in America.
Iron man Unger played for Peterborough Pirates and brought on their highly successful kid line. Unger is possibly the only player to get as far as the bar but not actually hit the ice.
It was supposed to be a well kept secret that Unger was coming to Oxford but that was not helped by the fact that he drove around Oxford in a sponsored car with his name plastered on the side for a few weeks before the big signing. Radio Oxford didnot help either, announcing his capture on the morning of his press conference.
No 3 - Mark Lewis
One of Stars free gifts fom Southampton Vikings, a good forward but not a great one for going into the corners. Wanted to be one of the boys but posh girlfriend Jayne kept him in check for most of the time.
One memorable away trip after a few too many beers he made it nearly all the way home to Oxford before having to shout for a coach stop on Banbury Road so he could get out and empty his stomach. It was very amusing to see him on his knees giving it all he could and Jayne fussing around him asking him if he was all right.
After hanging up his skates he became a cameraman for television south and was last heard of filming in some far flung war torn african nation.
No.4 - Todd Morgan
Blew in from Chicago and paired up with Barry Smith. A big stay at home defenceman, he soon realised that he would be mopping up a lot after Barry had insulted opposition players. Never really contributed his share of goals but was solid and reliable.
Did some artistic nude modelling at Banbury College to earn a few quid but got slowly weirder as the Oxford effect took hold. I saw him on a coach from Victoria one night after he had guested for Chelmsford, didnot really want to chat much but did help me by biting the top off a bottle of beer I had bought for the journey.
He came back to visit Oxford a year later and trained late night. Apparently he was away with the fairies and was talking to the puck.
GREETINGS from Tenerife, it’s been over 2 years since I saw some decent ice hockey but thankfully I will soon have a regular fix.
Tenerife Guanches, named after the original warrior tribe of the island, have been admitted to the Spanish league and I hope to bring you an update on their matches via this website.
First some background. Due to the chaotic European laws the league has decided to have “open house” on imports so you may recognize a few names that crop up during the season. Home ice is just behind the Veronica’s nightclub complex in Playa de las Américas and although small, it always attracts a full house crowd of 35 spectators. The kit is pink and green and carries the official club logo of a drunken tourist eating a burger.
Some of the crowd chants may be familiar such as “Go Guanches Go”, “There’s only one F in Tenerife” and “Lets Go Guanches”. Others may seem strange as they lose a bit in the translation such as”Pink boys are nice boys” and “Chase me round the island”. Every time the home team scores a goal the crowd perform a strange version of the Mexican Wave, called the Volcano (after Mount Teide). Everyone jumps up and goes bang at the same time, it’s a real sight to see.
Training has just started under player coach Mike Fafard who was chosen because of the language problem - no one understands him in any language so it evens things out. Our top player is a hot young prospect called Senor Senor, who we recruited from bullfighting. He is invaluable, as many of you will recall from the days of Ken Taggart, you always need some bull in the changing room.
Our main netminder is called Juan Matassa but he is a bit unreliable as he tends to move aside and wave the puck into the goal shouting “Ole” as it hits the net. Bullfighting is a good background to sign players from as it teaches them discipline and bravery. We thought we had another hot prospect on our books, Gonzalez Roddis, but it turned out he came from a completely different bull-ring.
The league takes place in the Canaries and mainland Spain and the big local derby is against Las Palmas Malicons from Gran Canaria. They are a rough team and play in a kit made up from old hotel towels, many think that “please do not remove” are their official sponsors. They also have the dreaded Diego Fridgen on their books but he has yet to play as he is permanently suspended for throwing paella at a referee.
So let the action commence. The first home game is next week against Granadilla Gorillas and Enrique Inglesias has agreed to drop the puck to start the game and back up net-minder Miquel Kellond will try not to drop everything.
Ice Pop (by Chuck & Ralph - March 1989)
The modern footballer's television appearances are as likely to be on Top of the Pops as Match of the Day, whether it's a traditional team performance in the mould of the groundbreaking "Back Home" or Hoddle and Waddle getting on down with their bad selves in an acid frenzy. Earlier this year a collection of these popular music milestones was released to considerable acclaim.
This phenomenon has yet to spill over into ice hockey in the UK but, if the musical exploits of our transatlantic cousins are anything to go by, it won't be too long before the charts are chock-full of ice hockey related gems. On a recent trip to the States we first became aware of the growing importance of Country and Western music in ice hockey circles. A good example of this is former NHL player Jacques Richard (Atlanta, Buffalo, Quebec), who has recorded The Grateful Dead's "Casey Jones" (Starday SD177) in his own inimitable style. wayne Presley and his band, the Grevious Angels have been knockin' 'em dead on the south side of Chicago with their own brand of foot-stompin' country. Honky Tonkin' Wayne, 27, pays tribute to Bobby Bare by including one of Bobby's sports orientated numbers "Slapshot Me Jesus Through The Goal Posts Of Life" on his latest album "The Ice Man Cometh" which is available on import (Reprise 2MS 2027). Wayne is hoping to follow in the footsteps of his namesake, Reg, who older Stars fans will remember as lead singer of the legendary Troggs. The Chicago Blackhawks are hoping he has as much success on the ice as on stage.
The influence of ice hockey on popular music has even spread to Eastern Europe where some of the players from Hadjuk Split Beavers have formed a group called Povraca Mise. These communist crooners have recorded an album of Yugoslavian folk songs called "Molim Vas Skinite Gacice" (look it up in a Serbo-Croat phrasebook, we had to!) released in this country by Mehur records (Slav 1C).
It is easy to see the increasing influence of ice hockey on world music and popular culture. With the growing popularity of ice hockey in Britain the hitherto undiscovered musical talents of Heineken league players will no doubt bring forth our own home grown style of ice hockey flavoured music. So the next time you see some sporting personalities on Top of the Pops look closely and you might just spot a few familiar faces from the sin bin at Oxford Ice Rink.
Stars Scandal - programme article from 1986/87
The first shock of the "weekend away" came when the Stars booked into the hotel at Sunderland and found out that 17 twin rooms had become 17 doubles. Most managed to get it sorted out and got single rooms , but some couldn't - so I hope Jim Malner and Tony Cimelli know each other better now!
The night after the game at Sunderland was quiet - a few drinks in the hotel bar and off to bed - apart from the Sin Bin Crew who stayed in town and drank from 2-pint glasses in a lock in session at a pub. They arrived back at the hotel in the early hours very much the worse for wear.
The next day at Kirkcaldy most of the Stars contingent were unhappy about Scottish referee George Nicholson. Jari Virta was none to impressed with his 5 minute major (called after play had originally continued) for breaking Dougie Latto's collarbone in a fair challenge on the boards. Mike Allard got a two minute penalty for failing to pick up the puck when asked and Peter Clarke topped it off by getting a 10 minute penalty at the end of the game for going up to Nicholson and feeling around using his hockey stick like a white cane. Tony Cimelli's father John also exchanged heated words with Nicholson in the bar afterwards!
Stars celebrated the end of the weekend away in the hotel in Edinburgh - a weekend which brought two heavy defeats but in which all players, including john Tague who had to play as a forward owing to lack of players, played with pride and determination only to be beaten by the lack of numbers and experience.
Don Yewchin, 5 goals and 6 assists, celebrated with one gin and tonic before going to bed. mike Allard tried his hand at bartending until the barman almost caught him. Jari Virta, Peter Clarke, Paul Simpson and others spent long hours playing poker after spending long hours arguing over the rules and John Tague decided that wearing toilet rolls was all the vogue! Jari's Finnish friend was helped to discover the delights of the 5.00 a.m. cold bath, Carl Warnock's door suffered GBH and John Tague's bed just couldn't take it. Room 116 (Nigel Laverick and Colin Kirby) suffered the party again and the tail end of Jari Virta and Paul Simpson's beer fight.
The return journey took from 11.44 Monday morning until 10.45 at night. Jari and his friend drank virtually the entire contents of the off-licence, Tony Cimelli drank anything that came his way and assistant manager "Sgt Bilko" (ask Taggart) just couldn't stand up (for the record Jari won all the card games.
Editors note: This is a selective version of events but sins are of omission, not commission. Following this trip Oxford City Stars were banned from Stakis Hotels (re Edinburgh) although, interestingly enough Swallow Hotels (Sunderland) kept asking us to visit them again.
